You Ought To Come To My Church

You ought to come to my church,

‘cause it’s better than the rest!

Of all denominations,

it’s just got  to be the best.

We have God’s revelation,

we walk in heaven’s light.

And if that isn’t quite enough…

(well…) there’s bingo every night.

We’ve got the biggest choir,

and its got the biggest sound.

And we’ve got the loudest organ

for miles and miles around.

We use the proper Bible:

God’s choice, the KJV.

(If it was good enough for the Apostle Paul,

then it’s good enough for me.)

Luth-er-ans and Mormons and Adventists;

Christian Scientists and Church of God;

Mennonites and Shakers,

Russellites and Quakers;

Legalists and those who spare the rod.

There’s Methodists and Baptists;

Episcoplians, too.

But no one in this whole wide world

needs us… as much as you.

You ought to come to my church!

We hold St. Peter’s key.

We’ll get you in the Kingdom;

oh, just you wait and see!

We have the Father’s number;

we’re on the inside track;

‘cause every time we call on Him,

He always calls right back.

Calvinists and Darbyites and Brethren,

Messianic Jews who speak in tongues.

Cath’lic charismatics,

groups that meet in attics,

and those whose labors cease when Sabbath comes.

And those of God’s Assemblies,

and those in Kingdom Halls,

will wish they’d gone to my church

when the final trumpet calls.

Don’t let the devil fool you

with other points of view.

My church has all the answers

(and all the questions, too!).

You ought to come to my church,

and skip the church next door.

We have much more to offer

of what you’re looking for.

Don’t ever visit that  church,

that’s what I recommend.

We’ll teach you all you need to know,

‘cause you can’t learn a thing from them.

I once was part of that  church;

I was blind but now I see.

So I helped to form a new church—

one that agrees with me!

Anabaptists, Wesleyans and Amish;

TBN and those who handle snakes.

Shouting Pentecostals,

and those who preach in hostels,

even Democrats and others who are fakes.

They have no real vision;

no clarity of view.

You ought to come to my church.

Yep… that’s just what you should do.

© Theodore H. Mann, 2004